Random thoughts
- Stages of fatherhood. First, you’re a jungle gym. Then you’re a mediator. And then you’re an ATM.
- Isn’t religion just the middleman that takes a cut every time you pray?
- BFF shouldn’t be used for anyone who hasn’t helped you move a body.
- I’m surprised child services hasn’t taken Dora the Explorer into protective custody.
- I want to start a goth dance venue called the Baby Seal.
- Work is an irrational interruption to one’s private life.
- Shallow people often confuse obscure with deep.
- There’s something completely liberating about accepting the fact that most of the world couldn’t care less you exist.
- Just because you’re talented and special doesn’t obligate the universe to acknowledge this in anyway.
- Life is like sex. If the answer to “how’s it going?” is “it’s complicated”, you’re probably doing it wrong.
- The word “fondle” can’t be used in any sentence with positive connotations. I don’t think you can fondle anything without being creepy.
- Sometimes, whatever it takes is alot.
- Everything has an expiration date. Saving yourself for marriage at 20 is commendable. Saving yourself for marriage at 60, not so much.
- If you’re an English major and haven’t figured out that only poets read poets, you’re in for a surprise.
- I don’t get the phrase, “Happiness is the best revenge.” Shouldn’t you have gotten over it my now?
- Dead people are gullible. “You can only speak through me. Your son want to know where you hid the money?” doesn’t work with live people.
- Michael Cera is the new Molly Ringwald.
- If your movie has a 5 minutes exposition at the end explaining what happened the previous 90 minutes, it sucks no matter what anyone says. I’m looking at you Vanilla Sky.
- Minority Report would have been a better movie if Tom Cruise’s character died at the end which pretty much can be said about any of his movies really.
- If they called them Sad Meals then kids wouldn’t buy them.
- I use to know everything. Now I don’t know anything. Senility is full of surprises.
- When someone tells me it’s as easy as pie, I always have to clarify if they mean pie or pi. Neither of which seem that easy.
- It’s never good when a friend suggests an activity followed by the words “What’s the worse that could happen?”
- Late notices are just society’s way of telling you to stop play World of Warcraft for awhile.
- The problem with the MySpace mood update is that there’s no setting for ironic or ambivalent.
- Liking something mainstream and popular doesn’t make you cool. Hating it doesn’t make you cool either.
- The reason I don’t talk to dogs or gods is because you’re considered psychotic if they decide to talk back.
- A typo is just your brains way of saying your grammar needs work. Either that or type slower.
- I will never forgive Twilight for associating Super Massive Blackhole with sparkly vampires playing baseball.
- Sex with the light off shouldn’t be allowed until you can find your way around with the lights on.
- Now that I’m older, I wish my favorite bands would sell Daytimers instead of t-shirts.
Lesa
on Dec 13th, 2009
@ 9:02 pm:
fully funny! thanks!
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