There’s a certain amount of elitism and entitlement mentality that comes with the “creative class” which I find disheartening.

I want to talk about web design and writing. I’ve been paid to web design for over 10 years. I want to get paid for writing.

I’m the first person to tell you that anyone can create a website. Whether that website will be effective and produce desired results is a different matter. This is how I feel about writing. Anyone can write, but whether it’s crap or not depends on the skill and experience of the writer. Continue Reading…

Category: Self-delusion isn't pretty | 2 - Leave a comment

I love my new phone. It’s an LG enV3 and it’s freakishly small like my hands. Now, I know what you’re thinking, how can you do anything fun with something so tiny. Well, it does get bigger. It folds open to a full keyboard.

Also, it fits comfortably in my pocket. Maybe I should have gotten an iPhone or a Blackberry to give my pants a nice comment inducing bulge, but I’m practical. I go dancing alot and it’s not pleasant to have something big and hard bouncing around down there when you dance. And though I’m happy to see my friends, I didn’t want them wondering if that was a phone in my pocket when I hugged them. Continue Reading…

Category: Using what I've got | 0 - Leave a comment

Dear Single Friends,

I feel blessed and lucky to have so many single friends because I can live vicariously through your stories. Your stories are exciting. I am married and therefore boring. I can’t remember the last time I woke up on a strange floor without my pants and my recollection of the last 8 hours. Like I said, I’m boring.

My naked stories usually involve getting peed on and a diaper change. Come to think of it, your stories involve getting peed on and a diaper change. However, my 2 year old does it for free which doesn’t make for an interesting story. Continue Reading…

Category: Kid stuff | 4 - Leave a comment

Jennifer Batten. My wife is about 6000 words into writing her fictional novel about a lead singer of a heavy metal band who decided to pull a JD Salinger at the top of his career. Last week, Torrie and I were talking about this lead singer’s band and Torrie mentioned that she imagined a female guitarist. Of course, I mentioned Jennifer Batten. If you’re into metal or guitars, she’s the most famous female guitarist. Jennifer wrote for Guitar magazine for years. She was the guitarist for the Bad, Dangerous and History World Tours, but I remember her from the Dirty Diana video.

Slash. Speaking of guitarists. Continue Reading…

Category: They are so cool | 1 - Leave a comment

I dropped out of college at nineteen after one semester.

I truly sucked at going to college. I skipped classes. I skimmed novels the night before in order to write B minus bullshit papers due in the morning. Mostly, I couldn’t figure out why the hell I was paying for D&D all-nighters a BA in English Lit I couldn’t afford so I didn’t go back the next semester.

Instead of stretching my mind and my limits of alcohol consumption in the world of academia, I began the vastly lucrative and rewarding career in concession services at a local theater. Continue Reading…

Category: Self-delusion isn't pretty | 3 - Leave a comment

My friend Clarice dresses in the skimpiest outfits when she goes dancing. She’s looks incredibly hot and so I’ve told her equally handsome, down-to-earth, one of the coolest guys in the world husband who dresses like he stepped out of a J Crew catalog.

Yes, I know the photos are a completely gratuitous attempt to spice up my blog with the sexy girl showing skin cliché. But hey, who am I to reinvent the wheel? All blogs need a little sex appeal and my fat ass certainly isn’t going to provide that. Continue Reading…

Category: My friends don't care that I'm uncool | 2 - Leave a comment

I have two friends who deejay alt/goth/EBM and 80’s music. They are awesome so I dance where they deejay and rarely go elsewhere.

One deejays at a club that’s an old cathedral, unimaginatively named The Church. Yes, that place is as cool as it sounds, unless you’re a young Servas guest from Poland from a Catholic family. Then, it’s just sacrilegious. I didn’t know. Oops. Continue Reading…

Category: I'm not goth | 9 - Leave a comment

I use to be kind of cute in early 20’s. Now I’m fat, almost forty and the only person who finds me sexy is my wife, Torrie, because she’s required to in the Marriage Contract. On page 3. Or was that page 13? Anyway, the contract clearly states: Husband will always be sexy, not just cute and lovable, despite ballooning girth and inability to see his toes.

On the other hand on page 47, it states she must maintain her 110lbs which is chauvinistic and antiquated but I never claimed to be evolved in any way. Guys don’t evolve. We just learn to get it in writing. Continue Reading…

Category: Self-delusion isn't pretty | 1 - Leave a comment