I collect fortune cookie fortunes. I also try to come up with misfortunes that would be the opposite of fortunes. I’m easily amused.

Here are some misfortunes I’ve put on Twitter for the years:

Derelict is a perfectly valid lifestyle choice.

You won’t able to describe the extent of your bad hair day without using the words ‘cocaine’ or ‘squirrel’.

Being on Jerry Springer will be the highlight of your life.

Your parents raised you the best they could with what they had to work with.

Your continued well-being is a testament to the self-control of everyone around you.

Now you can add Microsoft Bing as another search engine that doesn’t know you exist either.

The hotel of your mind has many vacancies. Continue Reading…

I moved my daily self-development blog over to Becoming Self. Continue Reading…

1. Stages of fatherhood. First, you’re a jungle gym. Then you’re a mediator. And then you’re an ATM.
2. Isn’t religion just the middleman that takes a cut every time you pray?
3. BFF shouldn’t be used for anyone who hasn’t helped you move a body.
4. I’m surprised child services hasn’t taken Dora the Explorer into protective custody.

Continue Reading…

I call it glam goth: Adam Lambert at the the American Music Awards, Lady Gaga’s photoshoot for Out magazine, Miley Cyrus in black eyeliner, Rihanna in a hasp collar, and sparkly vampires. Peter Murphy’s cameo in New moon is a long way from the opening scene of the Hunger. Bela Legosi really is dead. Goth is dead. Long live the new goth.

The gothsters (hipsters but wearing vinyl and platform heels) moan and groan that it’s not really goth. That it’s faux-goth. It’s surface level goth like Rihanna’s little foray into fetish wear in her Disturbia video.

Goth is much deeper and more meaningful like the Cure’s Lovecats. Continue Reading…